Can't Stop the Music (suicidal!sam)

(Heat of the Moment)

After You by Aerith Queen of Cetra
This time, Dean... I'll go first. One-shot

Asia, again by Jeavan
It's Tuesday again and Sam can't take it anymore. When he tries to end it in the most final way possible, Dean is lost for answers.

Count for the Sacrifice by Welcome to my House of Mirrors
Routine. The human brain's self-preservation at its finest. When Dean decides to add 'die' to the daily schedule, Sam has to make some adjustments to his.

Day Seventy-Four by caranfindel
Day 74 in Broward County. Sam is falling apart; Dean tries to help put him back together.

Last Resort by rirren (also here) and here)
Dean keeps dying and Sam can't change that. But Sam's last resort might just be the last thing he ever does.

Like Groundhog Day by foolscapper
Prompt: " . . .So, after countless Tuesdays, let's say Sam's gotten a little desperate."

Over and Over and Over Again by center_galaxy
He still dreams about it.

Redux by center_galaxy
If there is a way to break out of here and save Dean, then he has to take it, right?

For other flavors of suicidal!sam, or to leave comments, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium I Home
For suicidal!sam death!fic, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium II

Random Acts of Catness

Awhile back I posted my distress over my hyerthyroid kitty and his upcoming radioiodine treatment. He's had the procedure, and seems fine, although I haven't had his post-treatment levels tested yet.
In the meantime, I had grown concerned over whether or not he was getting enough water, because he has had issues with that. I wound up accidentally training him to expect (nay, DEMAND) to be bottle-fed water two or three times a day. Here is the video.

Today I am thankful for

Today I am thankful for the authors of the four WIP stories I have been following, because they have actually finished, or are clearly going to finish their stories. I appreciate that they made the time to follow through, I know it wasn't always easy.

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In The Arms of a Friend


This is a picture of Nacho, my baby boy. He's not such a baby any more - he's almost 15 - and he has developed hyperthyroidism. He isn't responding well to methimazole, so the next option is radioiodine treatment. The nearest place that offers is it 150 miles away. Best case scenario is four trips - one to drop him off for evaluation, which takes 2-3 days, one to pick him up, one to take him back for treatment, which entails a week of post-op because his poop will be radioactive, and another trip to bring him home.
I've read some very positive reviews of the treatment - apparently it is the gold standard - but I can't help but be worried. Tomorrow (well since it is 2:30 am - later this morning) I'll be calling the facility to see how soon I can schedule him in. It isn't helping that Tuesday I am stuck driving 165 miles for work (I haven't had to travel out of town for work in five years, timing is everything).
Wish us luck, please?

Dean Would Be Better Off (suicidal!sam)


And Now by carocali
He threw the knife to floor and tried to get up, looking for another more painful option.

Broken by leighannwallace
Dean hangs up on Sam after telling him they're safer apart. Lucifer decides to step in for a little 'counseling'.

Chaser by psiChic
'What're you doing out here?' Dean tried to keep his voice casual. His eyes darted from the empty bottles to the piece in Sam's unsteady hands. Sam flinched at the sound of Dean's voice. It took a moment for him to reply. 'Nothin'.' 'Nothin', huh? With an empty six pack and a loaded gun?'

destruction by sylvanelfqueen (also here)
Sam doesn't think twice before stepping in the street and into the path of a speeding SUV.

Fell on Black Days by snarkymuch (also here)
You can only take so much before you break. Since Dean returned from purgatory, Sam has been taking hits. This was one hit too many. S8.

Fractured Fairytale by dean_and_sammy
Set after Dean told Sam to pick a hemisphere and hung up on him in S5. Sam realizes that he has to stop Lucifer from taking him for a vessel. At all costs.

Giving Up Is Hard To Do by authoressnebula
'I'd hoped to see you again, before...but. I kinda figured it wasn't ever going to happen. You needed me gone, and I understand. Bobby said you were doing okay with Castiel, and I'm glad. He'll make a good partner.'

Hitchiker by skagtrendy1 (also here)
No one wanted to trade Sam's worthless soul for John's.  But there was something else he could do for Dean. Sam's trembling fingers closed around the bottle of pills.

Hush Little Brother by Chloe Winchester
Sam only knows one way to stop Lucifer from possessing him.

I'll Fix This For You by iamtryN
Silence equaled confirmation to Sam that he was both Dean's baggage and his burden. 'It's better this way. Let me go… you need them.'

Incidentally by veronamay
If he'd been watching Sam more closely, he would've seen the signs.

In the Twilight by Darktales (also here)
Devils Trap Tag. The night before Dean is getting released from the hospital, Sam realizes there is only way he can protect his brother.

Losing It by RainbowBetty (also here)
Tag to 5.1, Sympathy for the Devil. Bobby's words cut deep, but worse by far was his brother's silence.

My Sacrifice by siyafa (also here)
Sam's guilt finally catches up with him and he does something drastic. Dean is left to pick up the pieces.

Never Going to be Okay by LaurenEP18
'What the hell is wrong with me? Am I so weak that I can't even tell my own brother that I needed him to stay with me? That I may need protection from myself, not the supernatural creatures that go bump in the night?'
sequel:Keeping Up The Facade
'You- You're the best big brother. I mean, don't f-feel guilty.'

Nothing is Guaranteed by NC Girl
'What, Sam? What in God's name did you see that was so'    'I saw a way out, okay? I saw a way to take the
burden off of you.'

Of Obligations and Desperation by skag trendy
Following a confrontation with a despair demon, a fight between the brothers sends Sam over the edge. Set Season 2 after Croatoan.

Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? by kelhome
Dean's heart had kicked up. 'Back up. You 'tested it out?' What the hell does that mean?' Sam shrugged. 'Sliced my wrists in the bathroom. Woke up the next morning, good as new.
Anyway, what do you think of the salt and burn thing. Might work, right?'

One Shot by authoressnebula
One shot. Two brothers. It’s all that either of them have to prevent a sad and bloody ending, and for better or
worse…they’re both ready to take it. Partially AU, post-episodes 5.03 and 5.04…and not a one-shot despite the title!

On the Open Road by SilverMidnight52
Dean finds a letter from Sam when he was a teenager explaining why he killed himself.

Picking up the Pieces by DarkandtwistyGirl
A failed suicide attempt leaves Dean trying to pick up the shattered pieces of his family.

Residue by buffyaddict
Coda to episode 2x14, Born Under a Bad Sign. His whole life Dean has been there for him. Protected him. Shielded him. Saved him. But now Dean is the one who needs protection. Not from a ghost or a monster, from him. It's not about Dean saving Sam anymore. It's about Sam saving Dean.

Running Out of Time by authoressnebula
Gift for nyghtpet, post 2x02 ELAC: Dean won't speak, Sam won't ask anymore, but he feels like he needs to save Dean. In the end, though, it might be Dean who needs to save Sam.

Never Again by BroodyCheery323
After everything he had put Dean through, should he call him? Did he deserve to?

Silence to Regrets by stranded chess piece
Nothing is right. Sam thinks he has the fix, but Dean disagrees. Tag to 'Wishful Thinking.'

Sorrow Enough To Drown The World by chaosrosa (also here)
Sam is broken by all he has done. Dean shows up to try and save him. Will Sam let him?

The Blood in my Veins by DeppsLadyRosebud
Set before John's return for Dead Man's Blood, Salvation and Devils Trap. Sam's fears about the Demon's plans for him cause him to take drastic measures when he begins to contemplate who he really is… One Shot

The Letters to Silence by Desertfyre
Five times. Five times he has thought about it before he acted. The sixth time he couldn’t stand it. Silence followed. Maybe various letters  would save him....before the silence wrapped him up forever.

There's a Gun In Your Hand (And It's Pointed At Your Head) by TheResurrectionist
Sam can't take it anymore. Can Dean? Written for the prompt, "I crawled out of hell once. Don't make me do it again."

This Life by TheRumor15
When Dean drops his amulet in the garbage can, something in Sam breaks.

To End aLife by dragongurl713
Six days spent thinking about the gun tucked in his waistband and what it would taste like.

Unanswered Calls by Onari
Alternative ending for Provenance. Sam's not answering Dean's call from the mausoleum...Brother's angst, nervous breakdown.

Until It's Gone by AlxM
Early Season 5 — AU — You never really know what you've got, until it's gone.

What I Can Do by HarvestMoonChild
AU: set between ELAC and Bloodlust. One Winchester decides to rewrite history to give his brother what he thinks he needs.

Wishing is Cold This Year by minviendha  (also here and here)
“Strategically, it only makes sense, and I mean, I guess Dean might be a little upset, but he’d-” Sam swallowed, once, and Castiel saw a flicker of something, very briefly, before it was gone. “—he’d get over it.”.

For other flavors of suicidal!sam, or to leave comments, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium I Home
For suicidal!sam death!fic, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium II

Dean's Deal (suicidal!Sam)

(In which Sam is left to his own devices)

Death Declines by Dollar Short
Sam told Dean that he had tried everything to rescue him from hell, but there was one thing he had tried that he would never tell his brother.

Don't Jump by newende90
One step is all it would take to make it all go away. Dean, the pain, and even that rooftop I'm standing on.

Five different ways to die by CatherineWinner
Sam couldn't save him so he starts planning his backup plan.

Midnight at the lost and found by skag trendy
Sam and Dean have a minor tiff over the car, which leads to something deeper. Sam isn't coping well with current events... 

Sola Fide by The White Wanderer
But then he thinks of Dean, and there is no turning back.  They say that suicides go to Hell, and that's exactly where he wants to go.

Sullen Load is Full; So Slow on the Spit by apodiopsys
Somehow, Sam has to keep surviving while Dean's burning in hell.

For other flavors of suicidal!sam, or to leave comments, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium I Home
For suicidal!sam death!fic, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium II