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Updates/Additions to the Suicidal!Sam Compendium I


10 stories added:

Teen!chesters


Punching in a dream by Felix Felicious
After being told he can't go to Stanford, Sam is found with his wrists slit in an apparent suicide attempt. Only thing is, he doesn't remember doing it.

Can't Stop the Music


Count for the Sacrifice by Welcome to my House of Mirrors
Routine. The human brain's self-preservation at its finest. When Dean decides to add 'die' to the daily schedule, Sam has to make some adjustments to his.

Dean Would be Better Off


To End a Life by dragongurl713
Six days spent thinking about the gun tucked in his waistband and what it would taste like.

Testing Lucifer's Promise


Fixing the Damage by FictionalNutter
Based on a prompt about Sam getting poisoned while he and Dean are at odds. Dean is gone, and Castiel is the one to come to the rescue.

On the Inverted Undoing of a Boy King by sarahjeanne21
“Dean?” His voice was groggy and wrecked, and Dean wondered if he’d just woken up from slitting his wrists again.

UST/Wincest


A Pretty Good Day by Winnie_Chester
This is the way Sam’s world ends.

None of the Above


Just a year by RandomActsofSambriel
The leaves fell off the trees, they look dead. I can't help but be a little jealous.

One Last Candle (to Keep Out the Night) by Bates
Sam Winchester was lost. Lost big time. He once had his brother to help him when he really wasn't in a good place, but now? Now even Dean is gone. With Dean gone and Gabriel gone too, he just doesn't know what to do.
Terrified of his own thoughts, he writes a letter to Gabriel, bringing back memories he hoped he'd never have to face again.

The End by cucoo4cas
10x17 coda. Sam realizes there was more help in Metatron's words than not. He sneaks out of the bunker in a desperate attempt to save Dean's life.

Unfreeze by WinchesterPooja. Also here.
He almost doesn't get out of bed again; because he's tired — too tired, and his bones, and fingers, and hair are tired. His soul is tired.





Updates/Additions to the Suicidal!Sam Compendium II


Added 2 stories.


None of the Above


Lethe by Nicolive
It had the power to drown people, to let them die in peace, wiping away their memories of life, and taking away the threat of Hell or Heaven. If you died in the river Lethe, you would truly die in peace, never to feel the sting of your soul moving on.

Something You Can't Replace by Er-BearG32
What happens if more was said between Sam and Dean at the end of episode 9x13? Sam never expected his brother to react the way he did, but once more hurtful words are spoken between them, there's no taking them back.

Trigger Words:

Run like . . . .

I'm not big on gimmicky tee-shirts for myself, and I prefer to try to blend in at the gym, but this one is tempting.

Run like . . .

Trigger Words:





For the rest of the suicidal!sam hoard, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium I Home.
For updates to suicidal!sam death!fic, see here.

NEW CATEGORY! - "Can't Stop the Music (Heat of the Moment)" - here be stories related to Mystery Spot.

Deleted:
Harsh Realities by hellesofbelles
I'm all you need by obliviousworlds
Stay Still by supercellchaser
The Most Important Thing by 50boys
Why Did You Do It by I Love Supernatural


9 stories added:



Can't Stop the Music



Over and Over and Over Again by center_galaxy
He still dreams about it.

Redux by center_galaxy
If there is a way to break out of here and save Dean, then he has to take it, right?


Testing Lucifer's Promise



Hindsight 20-20 by The Bookkeeper (also here)
Being in the same room isn't the same as being together. Someone decides that Dean needs a little extra kick to get him back in gear with his brother before it's too late.

The Lucifer Problem by FictionalNutter
Dean and Sam try to make it work, but after Heaven, it becomes clear to Dean that it would be best to separate. Sam decides to let Dean stop the apocalypse, while Sam takes on the Lucifer problem. After all, if Lucifer doesn't have a true vessel to take, he'll be that much easier to defeat. Sam goes off the grid, and not even Castiel can find him.


UST/Wincest



The Dark Interior Life of Sam Winchester by Winnie_Chester
Sam spent a lot of time imagining how he would kill himself. It was the most fucked up thing he did, which is saying something for someone who got off at least once a week while imagining his brother’s perfect lips wrapped around his cock.


None of the Above



Fade To Black by AElizabeth
John is dead, leaving both his sons grief-stricken and confused. They slowly make their way to Sioux Falls where Dean begins to heal with the help of Bobby and his beloved Impala. Sam, though, is silently spiralling into despair and he can only hold on for so long.

Get Hurt by safiyabat
"I'm going to go get my brother some cholesterol. And then I'm going to go get drunk."

I'm holding a gun to my head (and I think I might pull the trigger) by MinaRosette
He's done some terrible things. He's hurt people, broken families, betrayed people who trusted him. People he loved. Maybe Dean was right. Maybe he is a monster. He wonders if a bullet will fix it all.

Sammy's Problem by himqwerty
Sam was beaten by John as a kid, and since then has cut himself to relieve the pain. This time, he decides to end it all. Can Dean save him again, this time from himself?

Wrung Out by themegalosaurus (also here)
Even both times Dean had died since then, Sam hadn’t really managed to cry.

Trigger Words:






Updates/Additions to the Suicidal!Sam Compendium II



Added 4 stories.



Teen!chesters


Dripping Blood by Miss221B
"Please," was all he could think, "please don't take my baby brother away from me. Don't take him away. My Sam. My Sammy. My little brother. My baby, God PLEASE!"

It ends when you can't take it anymore


Sam's Last Hallucination by hopelessfangirl
Just an angsty little one-shot about Lucifer using Dean to push Sam to the edge of insanity.

None of the Above


I am Human (And I Will Let You Down) by Enbyfriend_98
He would not cry because his brother had killed himself and Dean didn’t know why.

no more pain only freedom by SnarryMoreidLover
Sam has always felt like he didn't belong with his family and that everyone was better off without him this his his life story on why he wasn't worth it


Trigger Words:

I started the Apocalypse (suicidal!sam)

(and all I got were these lousy Enochian sigils)

A Brother To Be Proud Of by Micaiah
I'm doing what I should have done the day the hell hounds came for you.

And He Shall Lead You Home by lissa_ann (also here)
If the knife could kill demons, then it could kill him as well, as close to a demon as any human could be.

Burn Your Name by smash86
A demon kidnaps Sam and tortures him when he's at his lowest. Sam, being Sam, thinks he deserves it after all he's done.

Bye, Sam by Britt Kay (also here)
"G'bye, Dean." Sam whispered into the night as he raised the gun to his head

Dark Dreams, Darker Destinies by vlbuelhe
What if Dean wasn't the only one who got a preview of coming attractions in "The End?"

Detox by no_candle_mom
Sam lowered his head and nodded slightly. “He… Adam said that you’d be better off without me,” he admitted in a whisper.

For You, Id Do Anything by HappyBlushCalayapie
Sam didn't know Lilith as the final seal, and now, thinking of himself as a failure as a human being, is about to kill himself, when Lucifer shows up at his hotel room with flowers and love in his eyes.

I Have Dreamed of Hope Departed by eveofnigh
Sam’s irredeemable, his sins too black to be forgiven.

Jumping Waves by Sunny33
Then I see that he's holding the Colt.

Just To Get A Glimpse Beyond This Illusion by ALostEcho98
'The road to hell is paved with good intentions.' He knows that now.

If There Be Thorns by supercellchaser
'Self loathing ate through Sam night and day. As he and Dean fought more and more, Sam hated himself more and more. Hated his life more and more. Wanted it to end more and more.' Sam/Castiel H/C.

Last Good Deed by sometimesspn

After Dean goes to Hell, Sam just wants to do one thing right. And then there's Ruby. And then there's blood. And he just wants to do one thing right. And then Lucifer's out. And he figures it out.

Sinking to the Floor by A Thing For Brothers
Knowing Dean was out there somewhere, hunting him, Sam knew he had to just end it himself.

The darkness within by die Autorin
It was already too late to be saved, so Sam should do what Dean couldn't do. It would be a win-win situation after all.WIP long

Work to Do by annie46
After the events of ‘Lucifer Rising’ – Sam just wants to have peace.

You're Stuck With Me by TrekkieL
Sam can't cope with being a hunter anymore, so decides to end his life. As he places the barrel to his temple, he apologises to Gabriel, not realising the Archangel can actually hear him. Gabriel is less than happy with Sam, and attempts to help him by sharing a winter memory. Established Sabriel. Some Destiel.


For other flavors of suicidal!sam, or to leave comments, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium I Home
For suicidal!sam death!fic, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium II

Trigger Words:

Testing Lucifer's promise (suicidal!sam)

(The only way to win is cheat)

A Simple Kind of Man by Safiyabat
“Can’t even freaking die right, but it’s not like you need to worry about it, okay? Besides, I thought we were picking hemispheres.”

Blood Spatter by Veronique Roux
When they were finally left alone, Dean glanced over at Cas. 'D'you think he's alright?' Cas didn't look at him at first. 'I doubt it.' But now he turned. 'But this is Sam we're talking about, Dean. When has he ever been 'alright'?' He used those heinous air quotes again, but Dean didn't find it funny this time.

Cognitive Realignment by Blue_Jay
To Sam, Dean is everything he needs and doesn't need to be. The amulet showed that and when Sam needed verification that what was going on in his head was really just his imagination, all he had to do was look to his brother and it was there, a constant reminder. And it was always with them, every second of every day.
Until it wasn't.

Come On, Oblivion by gothpandaotaku
Dean's left him, and well... Sam has nothing but Oblivion to look forward to.

Destruction by sylvanelfqueen (also here)
Sam doesn't think twice before stepping in the street and into the path of a speeding SUV.

Diablerie by mara-isamoose
"No matter how many times I try..." Dean's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He was almost afraid to ask what that could mean. 'Try what'"He just keeps bringing me back." Sam's voice cracked, just like Dean's heart. "Bringing you back from what, Sam?" Sam's only response was clicking off the safety of his gun.

Each Our Own Devil by tohereandnow (also here)
I will kill myself before letting you in. And I'll just bring you back. Sam takes Lucifer at his word and Dean kills monsters. They learn that they keep each other human. Set primarily after 5x03 and 5x04.

Epiphany by lanri
Sam Winchester, vessel for Lucifer, decides to never say yes. And no matter what, he'll stick by that.

Escaping Destiny by jasmineisland
Set after Dean told Sam to pick a hemisphere and hung up on him in S5. Sam realizes that he has to stop Lucifer from taking him for a vessel. At all costs.

Fixing the Damage by FictionalNutter
Based on a prompt about Sam getting poisoned while he and Dean are at odds. Dean is gone, and Castiel is the one to come to the rescue.

Four Days Later by simply.kaleidoscope
As he sips his coffee, a thought slips unbidden into the officer's mind: Asshole could've waited five minutes until my shift was over to kill himself.

Giving Up Is Hard To Do by authoressnebula
'I'd hoped to see you again, before...but. I kinda figured it wasn't ever going to happen. You needed me gone, and I understand. Bobby said you were doing okay with Castiel, and I'm glad. He'll make a good partner.'

Happiness is a Warm Gun by supernaturalsammy67
A smoking gun had never meant so much before. Season 5. Dark.

Here We Still Remain by vail_kagami
With Lucifer tormenting his dreams, Sam fears sleep so much he sees only one way to get any rest at all. It's not pretty, but it does the job, and Sam is nothing if not pragmatic. Dean doesn't need to know, but then, he doesn't seem to care anyway. As Sam slowly crumbles under the weight of exhaustion, guilt, and his brother's mistrust, it's Castiel who unexpectedly reaches out to him - but the solution the angel offers might well be worse than the problem.

Hindsight 20-20 by The Bookkeeper (also here)
Being in the same room isn't the same as being together. Someone decides that Dean needs a little extra kick to get him back in gear with his brother before it's too late.

His Entire World by lilballerette10
A much needed conversation with Bobby leaves Dean questioning his resentment towards Sam, and Sam being attacked by hunters just adds to the guilt. Tag to 5.03.

Hold On by Amy Renee
Dean's heart was suddenly enclosed in an icy vice-like grip. His eyes widened and he found himself unable to move. Sam continued to stare at the gun intently, and Dean had guessed what that intent was.

I Promise by JediMagnet09
Dean will figure all of this out. He'll end the apocalypse and then I'll really die, because Lucifer won't be here to bring me back.
Even as darkness closed over his vision once more, Sam couldn't help but feel hope at that thought.

Knocking on Death's Door by dark_shadow85
Sam's depressed after he finds out he's Lucifer vessel. During Dean's time in the future. Sam decides to test Lucifer's theory and see if he really will bring him back, but the angels find him first and refuse for the 'tainted one' to complete such a sinful action. Once Dean comes back and tries to call Sam, Sam doesn't answer.

My Brother and Me by KKBELVIS
Set right after the episode 5-10. -- "No!" A loud cry coming from the living room and something crashing against a wall, stopped the heated conversation. "Sam!" Dean bolted out of his chair.

My Sacrifice by siyafa (also here)
Sam's guilt finally catches up with him and he does something drastic. Dean is left to pick up the pieces.

Never Again by BroodyCheery323
After everything he had put Dean through, should he call him? Did he deserve to?

Nightmare by RainbowBetty (also here)
There were many times Sam woke up screaming. And Dean never stopped feeling helpless.

Nothing Man by zubeneschamali (also here)
AU coda to 5.03. Dean goes to Oklahoma after hearing about Sam's encounter with the hunters. What he finds when he arrives horrifies him.

Nowhere to go but Everywhere by spoons1899  (also here and here)
“Dean, it was a long time ago, and obviously it didn’t work, so can we just—”

Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? by kelhome
Dean's heart had kicked up. 'Back up. You 'tested it out?' What the hell does that mean?' Sam shrugged. 'Sliced my wrists in the bathroom. Woke up the next morning, good as new. Anyway, what do you think of the salt and burn thing. Might work, right?'

On the Inverted Undoing of a Boy King by sarahjeanne21
“Dean?” His voice was groggy and wrecked, and Dean wondered if he’d just woken up from slitting his wrists again.

On the Side of the Road by jasmineisland
Prompt: Back in season 5, after Dean and Sam split up; Sam hitchhikes, thing is, the angels are out to tear him apart.

One Shot by authoressnebula
One shot. Two brothers. It’s all that either of them have to prevent a sad and bloody ending, and for better or worse…they’re both ready to take it. Partially AU, post-episodes 5.03 and 5.04…and not a one-shot despite the title!

Open Air by BatTitan
"What theory?" That looks suspiciously like a bullet wound. But Dean knows every scar his brother has received almost better than his own past injuries, and that scar is not one of them.

Practical Application by ratherastory  (also here)
He's apologizing. Again. Except that he's apologizing for not being dead, and Dean wants to scream and shake him and hit him as hard as he can for being so goddamned stupid and pig-headed and thinking that dying was going to fix anything.

Sam's Revelation by Quiet.crash
AU where Sam decides to test out Lucifer's words and then it all just goes downhill.

The darkness within by die Autorin
It was already too late to be saved, so Sam should do what Dean couldn't do. It would be a win-win situation after all.WIP, long

The Lucifer Problem by FictionalNutter
Dean and Sam try to make it work, but after Heaven, it becomes clear to Dean that it would be best to separate. Sam decides to let Dean stop the apocalypse, while Sam takes on the Lucifer problem. After all, if Lucifer doesn't have a true vessel to take, he'll be that much easier to defeat. Sam goes off the grid, and not even Castiel can find him.

The World Ends With You by tangledaria (also here)
Sam comes back to life with a gasp, choking on a mouthful of blood.

This Bewildering House by lustmordred
It occurred to Sam that he might be developing an overactive case of paranoia. But then he remembered the Devil in his head and had to think for a few minutes about whether or not he’d been talking to him aloud as he shopped. He didn’t think so, but he couldn’t be 100% sure.

Wasted Vessel by clown_or_midget (also here)
The only thing in the room outside of the ratty furniture was his green duffel, and that held nothing but a couple of changes of clothes, his knife, and his gun.

We're Going Down, Down, Down To Mephisto's Cafe by fightlikeagirl
He's methodically cleaning his guns when there's a whisper like feathers behind him, and he doesn't have to turn around to know what it is.

When Satan Takes You Over by sylvia37 (also here)
After his talk with Dean in the panic room, Sam decides that the only way to keep Dean from saying "yes" to Michael is to take things into his own hands so he enlists Castiel's help.



For other flavors of suicidal!sam, or to leave comments, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium I Home
For suicidal!sam death!fic, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium II

Trigger Words:

Voicemail (suicidal!sam)

(There's no going back)

And He Shall Lead You Home by lissa_ann (also here)
If the knife could kill demons, then it could kill him as well, as close to a demon as any human could be.

Blackened by epicallytired
'This is who I am. So if you won’t kill me… just… let me. Just let me…die.”

Cold Equation by ithuriel788 (also here)
He wonders if reliving his own death would really be so bad, if it could be like this one looks to be - warm, peaceful, just slipping away.

Epiphany by lanri
Sam Winchester, vessel for Lucifer, decides to never say yes. And no matter what, he'll stick by that.

failure to communicate by hardlygolden
After the flash of light faded, all that was left is the two of them. Coda to 4.22.

Five Times Dean Doesn't Kill Sam and One Time Sam Begs Him to (again) by sarahjeanne21
5 + 1 set in season 5, directly from the point they're zapped onto the plane. There are some miscommunication after the voicemail, Sam thinks Dean wants to kill him. WIP

Live to Fight Another Day by kelhome 
To be honest, he thought it would be a relief for Dean. To finally be out from under rock of 'take care of crazy, demon-infected Sammy.'

Monsters Don't Cry by LeilanaIce
Sam stood in the bushes, pulling the gun from the back of his jeans and staring at it. At least it would save Dean from having to do this, right?

Nothing Else Matters by starbright73 (also here)
'Guys, I'm sorry. Please, salt and burn. Love, Sam.'

Reap by Tyranusfan
Sam's brain wasn't up to processing all of this. *The angels changed the voicemail?* Tag for 4.22 Lucifer Rising.

Scales by roxymissrose
'Okay, quick, though, please. Forget everything else, okay, we were brothers. You cared about me. Sorry, I'm really sorry. Fuck.'

The World as we Know It by debbiel66
“You were right, what you said on the phone. You were right about all of it. I don’t blame you, Dean. I won’t try and stop you.”

Voicemail by SPNxBookworm
'I know you tried hard to save me. I know you're tired of it. I know you won't have the strength to do it yourself. So, I'm doing it for you.'

What You Don't Know by Quiet Crash
Dean comes back from Purgatory and finds his brother domesticated and withdrawn from the hunting life. Naturally he jumps to the conclusion that Sam abandoned him to find his cursed normal while Dean fought for his life. He should have known not to assume anything when it came to his little brother.


For other flavors of suicidal!sam, or to leave comments, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium I Home
For suicidal!sam death!fic, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium II

Trigger Words:

(thinks-he's-a-monster!sam)

45 by sikeminatural
'This is just something that I need to do and I hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me…bye Dean.'

Adrift by Center of the Galaxy
But perhaps, Sam never even really knew his father. Not while he was alive and certainly not now that he had passed away. But the regrets and the lingering questions that kept racing through his mind? Those just might haunt him for the rest of his life. *A study of Sam and John's relationship throughout the years.

Be My Escape by Center of the Galaxy
If Dean won't fulfill John's last orders, then it falls to Sam. After all, father knows best. And if John thought that there was even a chance Sam might go evil, then that's all the youngest Winchester needs to carry out his final order.

Catharsis by BlueIris08
One way the angsty, drunken 'Playthings' scene didn't happen.

Crimson by tattooeddevil  (also here)
Sam is terrified he is going to turn evil. Dean has made it clear beyond a doubt that he's not going to kill Sam, even if he does go darkside. So with no chance that Dean will save the world from his brother, Sam decides to take care of that himself.

Dawn by by Center of the Galaxy
Sam's at the end of his rope and is ready to end it all. At least this way, Lucifer won't be able to use him to start the apocalypse. With Dean and Bobby both gone, Sam's sure that he'll be able to do this in peace.

Dreams to Live On by Annonie
Missing Scene for Born Under a Bad Sign. Sam does the unexpected when Dean refuses to shoot him.

Free To Be You, Not Me by supernaturalsammy67
When Dean took out the knife, Sam's heart beat pistoned. It's Dean's job to tell him it's okay. Angst. Season 5.

Greek Tragedies by Ms Trillbatin
Sam knows Dean won't fulfill his promise, so there's only one option left for him...

Heart Weary by Spense
Sam is tired. And defeated. And overwhelmed. His reaction to that? Not so good.

Into The Dark by quarterwhore
Sam's afraid of turning darkside. But now he knows what he has to do.

It All Comes Back To You by lissa_ann(also here)
Post 4x18. Sam falls apart and tries to kill himself because of the events of the past months. He doesn't want to go darkside, and believes he will because of Dean's comment about it.

Keep On Building the Lie by GreenEyedLass
'I can't let it happen. I won't. I didn't have any control over it before, but this,' a quick flick of his knife wielding wrist, scratching a path up his arm that quickly welled with blood. 'This is how I can control it. How I can make it right.'

Last Line to Hang Onto by authoressnebula
Prompt from the H/C Meme: Sam falls apart and tries to kill himself because of the events of the last few months. He doesn't want to go darkside, and believes he will because of Dean's comment about it. Dean stops him and comforts his younger brother.
sequel:All the Guilt to Let Go Of
Prompt from the H/C meme: Dean is having nightmares about Sam getting hurt because he let him down.

Let Me Bleed by Paige M. Carter
It would be so easy to just let himself bleed to death. Spoilers for 4x19 'Jump The Shark' Darkness and angst ahead.

No Demons Allowed by KKBELVIS
Missing Scene : Fresh Blood. Sam is scared. Gordon had said he was not human. That he should have the guts to kill himself….What if he was right?

Now Comes the Night by kaly
Secrets and lies, however well intentioned, come with consequences. Spoilers for 2x01, speculation for 2x05. Gen.

On The Edge of Death by snsw25kr14
Tag-5x01. Losing his brother's trust was the worst punishment God could have thrust upon him, now though the knife that lay in his hands would not only be his redemption, but also his salvation.

One Bullet by PiratelfDair
AU between Croatoan and Hunted. If John had said Sam was part demon, and if they still had the Colt, this could've happened. A discussion between the brothers brings out an old issue and resolves a new one.

Overdose by tifaching (also here)

Penance by LeighAnnWallace
'Fine! Just - fine. Freaking leave me a gun and get the hell out of here!'

Sammy's Anguish by FreckledAdvocate
Sam is suicidal; for all the right reasons. Will Dean be able to save Sam from himself or is he doomed to witness the brother he'd tried so hard to protect take his own life? Set soon after Born Under a Bad sign.

Six Feet Ain't So Far Down by authoressnebula
All he had to do was step out, and let his body fall. Six plus feet of wide spread sacrifice to the waters, and this would all be over. Early season 3 spoilers.

Sinking to the Floor by A Thing For Brothers
Knowing Dean was out there somewhere, hunting him, Sam knew he had to just end it himself. 

The Choice by authoressnebula
One gun. One bullet. It's up to Sam and Dean to decide who will shoot the bullet...and who will die.

To Save a Life by Ryla Dante
He did not turn around, but his hands dropped to his sides. In his right hand was Dean's automatic. Jesus Christ. The kid's Swiss Cheese had slid off its Ritz.

Unthinkable by glassshoe  (also here), and podfic here
After a week of riding shotgun in his own body, Sam needs to know that he's the one at the wheel. coda to BUABS.

Weight of the World by WaywardSons5160
Sam's discovery of a new ability leads him to consider whether it would be safer for Dean if he were no longer around.


For other flavors of suicidal!sam, or to leave comments, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium I Home
For suicidal!sam death!fic, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium II

Trigger Words: