ex-bettenoire (ithuriel788) wrote,

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Suicidal!Sam Compendium II (death!fic only)

Here be major character death(s), explicit or implied. Some of the inclusions here are, by necessity, somewhat objective.

For suicidal!sam on the other side of this coin (Um, what do we call that, survival!fic?) see Suicidal!Sam Compendium I


[*before* losing Jessica, starting the Apocalypse, or getting Lucifer for a roommate]
By The Time You Read This, I Will Be Gone by DarkandTwistyGirl
Sam is young, miserable, and has access to dozens of weapons, it’s a dangerous mix. Can Dean reach him in time?

Just Another Day, Right? by
Can father and son patch things up or will it forever be too late.

Lay Me Down by stripeypirate
"How can you leave me here, Sammy? Alone, with him?" In which the Winchester family is falling apart at the seams.

Safe and Sound by RemyMcKwakker
Preseries AU. With no other way out, Sam and Dean help each other.

Towards Dean by wine_into_water (also here)
The first word he ever spoke wasn't Daddy or Dada, but Deeeeen. His first steps in life were towards Dean and away from his father.

Doesn't go to Stanford AU

[In which hopes and dreams are crushed]
Fork in the Road by Star Mage1
Sam told his family about wanting to go to College at the start of his senior year.

Dean's Deal

[In which Sam is left to his own devices]
Driven by ShaynainShambles
Sam had always been the driven one.

Forgive Me Dean by LCFC
Dean gave his soul for Sam. Can Sam carry on without him?

Going Under by LCFC
He bent his head for a moment, closing his eyes 'Please Lord' he whispered, softly 'Please take this burden away from me"

I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Snnr
Howls of hellhounds rattled the window panes, and shook the doors.

Join Me in Death by crystalchain
It almost feels like somebody's ripped his still beating heart out of his chest and torn it into thousands of little pieces until there's no blood left to bleed.

Sam's Birthday Gift by blueeyedliz
Happy Birthday Sammy. You’re twenty-four years old today. You awoke with congealed blood sticking to the back of your jacket and to the dirty torn mattress you’d been 'sleeping' on. Dean gave you the best birthday present he could this year. This year Dean gave you your life but you don’t say thank you and you’re far from being grateful. In fact, if Dean had gotten a receipt, you’d have taken the gift back.

Stipendia Peccati by kroki_refur
The only person who can get me out of this thing is me, says Dean when there’s five days to go. And me, says Sam.

the moon is gold and silvery by ygrawn
Sam worries he might just run them off the road. Late, late at night, he doesn’t worry. He wonders.

Ultimatum by Quintessentia
There is nowhere to go from here... Sometimes Sam thinks too much.

Dean would be better off

[ Dean should not have to deal with the burden that is Sam]
Going Under by LCFC
He bent his head for a moment, closing his eyes 'Please Lord' he whispered, softly 'Please take this burden away from me"

Silent Goodbye at fic_freaknout
After everything that's happened, Sam can't take it anymore. He leaves a note: I’m to blame for everything. For Mom’s death. For Dad’s death. For your lack of a childhood. For your lack of a loving home. For your lack of a normal life. For Jess’ death. For Madison’s death. For every single fucking thing that’s ever gone wrong in our lives, I’m the one to blame.
sequel: Losing Myself
Dean tries to get to Sam in time:   He doesn’t do anything more than blink calmly. “Think about it, Dean. This way, you don’t need to be burdened with the knowledge that one day you might have to kill him yourself. This way, we need not be concerned about his demonic activities. Your brother is doing us all a favour.”

The Finish Line by Ally-Cat Loves Cookies
Sam Winchester is tired. Tired of the pain, of the fear, of the guilt. One day, after Dean leaves the motel room, Sam decides to take matters into his own hands.

The Monster Inside by Tampax and Dark Chocolate
He didn't want anything left for Dean to clean up.

The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store by alphabet26
He tried to imagine if Dad had just showed up at Stanford and shot him or if Dean had kept the promise he'd made Dad or if he'd had the guts to take care of it himself when he realized Dean couldn't. Why had they fought Gordon? Gordon had understood what they'd all forgotten: monsters have to be destroyed, and siblings aren't immune from turning into monsters.

So Dean won't have to

[Dean would do anything for Sam, but he shouldn't have to do this]
And bad mistakes, I've made a few by EternityisOver
Sam has made a lot of stupid mistakes in his life.

Bye, bye brother by Miz Predictable
Dean tells Sam he may have to kill him.

Testing Lucifer's promise

[deliberately, or not so deliberately]
Here We Still Remain by vail_kagami
With Lucifer tormenting his dreams, Sam fears sleep so much he sees only one way to get any rest at all. It's not pretty, but it does the job, and Sam is nothing if not pragmatic. Dean doesn't need to know, but then, he doesn't seem to care anyway. As Sam slowly crumbles under the weight of exhaustion, guilt, and his brother's mistrust, it's Castiel who unexpectedly reaches out to him - but the solution the angel offers might well be worse than the problem.

It ends when you can't take it anymore

But The Silence Is All We Know by fireglass
Sam remembers the age old adage: up the street, not across the way.

Choices by MinionMooskateerAckleholic
Sam can't take much more. Dean and Bobby are stretched thin...but Lucifer never gives up.

Hallucination Fix by InvincibleIsabelle
In which Sam kills himself because he can't stand the hallucinations after his wall broke.

Saving Grace by Aquila Tempestas
There's no cure but death itself.

Screaming Silence by whovianonakayak
With the devil in his mind, Sam can't take it anymore. Will Sam's life end at the end of a gun, and will he be behind the trigger?

Unsteady by HalfwayToHell
Soon after Sam's soul is returned to his body and he becomes plagued with hallucinations of Lucifer, Sam isn't sure how much longer he can take it. Sam doesn't see a reason to keep fighting anymore and this leaves Dean ripped open.

When Sam Breaks by sherlockthecockblock
Sam finally decides he can't take it anymore.

The Penny Dropped

[post-Southern Hurt/Comfort]
Breaking Point by SMANGST
Sam blames himself for everything and sees only one way to escape.


[trouble with the relationship, or lack thereof]
Chalk Lines by caelumi
Sometimes when a line is drawn and crossed, there is no going back.

Death of an Angel by Lestat's Violinist
Sam thought about it… Thought about it more than once. Had it all planned out, too.

Ever Lovin Baby by verucasalt123 (also here)
It started the way you’d think it would start. Two teenage boys who shared a room and sometimes just one bed, rarely having contact with anyone but each other.

Heaven Was Needing A Hero by TeamDiNozzo
He was about to head up the stairs when there was the was the unmistakable sound of a gun going off outside.

lower your head, take it into your body by ephemerall
He starts losing sleep again when they hit Washington. There are new nightmares now, about murder, about Hell, about war and Death. So he starts staying up all night watching infomercials and drinking cans of cheap soda or Styrofoam cups of stale coffee

Steam by lookaftersammy
When Sam finally snaps will he find the words that are all but banned in the Winchester camp? A realistic approach.

Thank You For Not Loving Me by WaitingToBeBroken (also here)
Sam is sick of being only a way to relieve the tension for Dean. He is tired of fighting. What he wants is just one kiss, is that so much to ask?

Wild men who caught and sang the sun by kroki_refur
He doesn’t know how much time he has left, how much time he can give to Dean before they both have to stop pretending, but he’s going to make it count.

None of the Above

[more of those shocks that flesh is heir to]
Bless Me, Father by AKA DD
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned ... I killed them all. Sam confesses.

Cost by Faye Dartmouth
After years on the road, Sam reaches a breaking point.

Everybody loves Sam by Zeppelingirl23
Something has happened that leaves everyone grieving in the wake of the mess. Deathfic, despite the cheery name. Sam/OFC, Gabriel/OFC. unfinished

Find a Way to You by Sweetlovies
Takes place after the season 7 finale. Sam tries to get to Dean, anyway he can.

In The Old House On The Corner by ErinisMagic
In the old house on the corner, there lived a man...

I Would, If But Only I Could by Black-Angel-001
Set about S2, one-shot. Sam's tired and doesn't care anymore.

It's Not Suicide If We're Already Dead by x_luciole
"What are you saying exactly, Sam?"

"That I want to make it our time." Sam pulled his gun.

Lethe by Nicolive
It had the power to drown people, to let them die in peace, wiping away their memories of life, and taking away the threat of Hell or Heaven. If you died in the river Lethe, you would truly die in peace, never to feel the sting of your soul moving on.

Not Worth Living For They Killed My Family by sehogg
this is what i think sam will do in season 4 now that his brother and whole family are dead

Over the Edge by EstrellaQueAdmiro
Sam is beating himself up over Charlie's death and Dean is piling on the blame. But how much can the younger Winchestertake?

Perspectives by ithuriel788
In hindsight, it's obvious that Sam was planning to run away again all along. All the signs were there. WIP

Sleepy Vitamins by Onceuponademonhunter (also here)
No one could save him now. Sam was too far gone for saving.

Something You Can't Replace by Er-BearG32
What happens if more was said between Sam and Dean at the end of episode 9x13? Sam never expected his brother to react the way he did, but once more hurtful words are spoken between them, there's no taking them back.

When It All Just Gets Too Much by Me And The Time Vortex
What happens when Sam gets low? He doesn't know what to do anymore.

The Darkness in Sam Winchester by CallaLee
Sam has finally taken the last steps toward the end of his life.

Tags: compendia, death!fic, spn, suicidal!sam
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