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So, I have this half-brother. We are not close in age and don't share a whole lot of memories. In my family of weird, he still stands out. He has a number of personality defects that make him difficult to be around for long periods of time (like more than 10 minutes). He may be Aspie, or maybe just an asshole, I don't know. He is scary smart but has never had an actual career, just jobs. He has rarely lived on his own, but has spent months/years living (usually rent-free) with: friends from high school, his godmother, other friends from high school, his father, our mother, me.
After I pried him out of my place a few years ago he was "on his own" (heavily subsidized by Mom/me) for a while. Then he decided that he didn't like this town and returned to California, because that's just the perfect place for people with low skills during an economic downturn.
A year and a half ago he became homeless. I continued to send him money until the beginning of this year, when I hit a financial crisis of my own. He stays in shelters, which have limits on frequency/duration of how long people can stay. He's going to fall into a gap and wants to come stay with me for "3-5 weeks."
I just can't do it. My mental stability is nothing to write home about and having him here would drive me absolutely crazy (he is the kind of person who sees no irony in offering unsolicited financial advice). I expect he would break even the minimal rules I laid on him the last time (1-no smoking in the house and 2-leave the house once in a while, FFS).

No one ever told me I would have to either save him or kill him. But when I originally asked him to come stay with me (2003) (to keep him from driving my parents crazy), my mother clearly told me she would understand and not hold it against me if I had to put him out on the sidewalk.

Meanwhile I've been watching/re-watching Season 4-8 of Supernatural, and overhauling my compendium and bookmarks, and generally immersing myself in the unbreakable brotherly sibling bond between Sam and Dean, and I feel guilty that I am going to tell my homeless brother that he cannot stay with me, even though I live alone in a family-sized house.

Then I think about Adam getting left in the Cage and wonder if what I'm doing is any better or worse.

Trigger Words:

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
borgmama1of5
Oct. 2nd, 2013 02:23 am (UTC)
Family relationships can be so very hard to navigate--the tension between what you know you need to keep yourself functioning vs. the ingrained instinct to help family...it sounds like you know what you need to do, but still feel guilty because you are considering your own needs. That doesn't make you a bad person! Hug!
ithuriel788
Oct. 4th, 2013 01:10 am (UTC)
Thanks for the hug, needed it. Sent the email this morning saying "no". And because I'm a wimp, promised to send him some cash.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )